One day, as you get home from work, you notice your three-year-old son is watching the incredibly putrid show, "Barney and Freinds". You immediately shut it off and ask your kid, "Why on Earth do you watch that crap?" "Cute purple dinosaur," he says. "No, Barney is an annoying little puke," you retort. "Cute purple dinosaur," he spouts back at you. "Look, I just don't want you watching that show. Barney sets a bad example for you little kids. Alright?" He looks at you quizzically. "Cute purple dinosaur," he says again. Over the next few days, all you can get out of him is, "Cute purple dinosaur. Cute purple dinosaur." It's driving you insane. That night, your wife tells you she has something urgent to show you. "Look at this. The Romans used V's instead of U's, right? So then CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR would become CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR." "So?" you say. "So, let's take out all the roman numerals. C,V,V,L,D,I,V." "Yeah, so?" "Add them up." You take out a calculator, and add them up. 100+5+5+50+500+1+5. "My god. It's 666!" Your wife nods grimly. "Barney is Satan, and he's possessed our son."
Notes
"Barney Mutilator is a game I wrote when I was fourteen, the internet was fresh and exciting, I was learning the C programming language for the first time, and oh man did everyone on the internet hate Barney the Dinosaur, holy shit. This was my contribution. I totally posted this game on alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die and uploaded it to cdrom.com. Shawn Hargreaves even posted a link to it on the official Allegro site, back in the day, which pretty much validated my existence.
Several anti-Barney games that came afterwards ripped off my title screen graphic and, ahem, storyline. None were quite so pointless nor graphic. Nothing is quite like Barney Mutilator, really." - Jeremy Penner
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